Myths abound surrounding the topics of sex, promiscuity, and spirituality.
Consider this anonymous feedback we received from “Emily”: “So two guys who obviously aren’t into commitment write about what a less-than-desirable ideal sexual commitment is, with no thought of feeding the kids. How very cool. Strong families are the bedrock for a strong city or state or nation. We must rise above promiscuity in order to achieve greater things and optimum survival for all. That’s what ethics is all about. The more preoccupied people become with sex, the less productive and less able they are to achieve spiritual, intellectual growth, and this would also apply to cities, states and nations. Therefore, this is not only about better survival for individuals, but also for our society and for all mankind.”
We have always promoted a healthy, responsible, and honest approach to dating, sex, and relationships. Clearly, this person is misrepresenting our writings.
The definition of “promiscuous,” according to Merriam-Webster dictionary, is “having many sexual partners.” Everyone has a different idea about how many sexual partners in a lifetime would put them in the “promiscuous” category.
Also, it’s important to note that the word promiscuous is also defined as “without discrimination,” as if one would sleep with anyone, anytime, no matter what. We believe that’s unhealthy and don’t advocate doing it. For this article, we define promiscuous as not limiting yourself to one partner, while being honest, safe, selective, cautious, and responsible.
“A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.” Victor Lownes
It’s shocking that someone would attempt to control the behavior of consenting adults–strangers they don’t even know–though it shouldn’t be if you consider how many control-freak busybodies there are in this world (e.g., bureaucrats, politicians, and lobbyists with a moral superiority complex). “Morals” are subjective and a judgmental, puritanical attitude is about as far from being spiritual as you can get.
“Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.” Aldous Huxley
“Rising above promiscuity” has nothing to do with “achieving greater things and (the) optimum survival for all.” In fact, repressing your sexual urges can be dangerous because it results in perversion. There’s nothing wrong with consensual sex between adults, and a healthy sex life doesn’t diminish productivity or spiritual and intellectual growth–in fact it can absolutely enhance it once you get over your sexual hang-ups.
Mutually satisfying sex with one person exclusively over the course of a lifetime is a nice thought, but unfortunately it’s extraordinarily rare and pure fantasy for most people. When the sexual attraction dies (often after two to seven years) you can remain companions, but if that’s not fulfilling enough for you, do you really prefer a slow, inner death, just to prove to everyone your relationship can last 50 years? Attention all couples: more communication and honesty about this topic will decrease the risk of secret affairs.
Emily’s comment about, “no thought of feeding the kids,” is absolutely ironic because we are staunch advocates of putting the child first (i.e., creating a child contract rather than a marriage contract–we write about that concept previous articles), instead of the selfish needs of two unhappy adults who are trying, unsuccessfully, to conform to the nearly impossible expectations and demands of traditional marriage.
“Ethics” is all about transparency and honesty-a person can be monogamous or non-monogamous and still be ethical. The problem is when one is deceitful, such as when a married person cheats (and statistics show at least 50% of married people do cheat).
The survival and advancement of society and mankind requires, in part, productivity, responsibility, and integrity. It’s thwarted by unhappy people in sexless marriages, attempting to permanently uphold the fantasy of the nuclear family. An approximate 60% divorce rate, in addition to countless unhappy couples attempting to “make it work,” suggests that the prevailing marriage model is absolutely dysfunctional.
It’s okay to have believed the myth about promiscuity being evil; its perfectly acceptable and natural to have many sexual partners over the course of your life, as long as you are responsible, safe, and respectful.
Copyright © 2014 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo