Lessons on the Most Comfortable Intercourse Position During Pregnancy

Posted on September 7, 2017 in Uncategorized

Sex spices up the relationship especially when the woman is pregnant. This may occur shocking to you but that is what exactly what makes it all the more special. The thing which few people do during pregnancy it what makes the act of lovemaking more intimate and extraordinary. Actually, there is nothing to fear about making love when you are expecting a child. As long as you know how to do the most comfortable positions during pregnancy, then there is nothing to worry about. The child is deep inside your womb, safely protected from external factors that would do him harm. As long as your partner doesn’t thrust inside you so violently or deeply during sexual intercourse, then there is nothing to worry about.

Have you noticed the physical make up of your womb? There is a noticeable gap between the vulva of the vagina and the baby. It only means that nature already contemplated the instance where a woman might still be engaging in sexual acts even being pregnant or at least nature allows it to happen. Hence, the baby is safely tucked away deep inside the uterus.

It is admitted that it is still important to practice caution, hence we gave lessons about the correct pregnancy intercourse positions. There are different of doing this which are proven to give every couple satisfaction just like in normal sex. Be able to hurdle the obstacle of getting intimate with your wife or husband during pregnancy by taking time to learn the proper pregnancy intercourse positions.

Use Sex Appeal to Boost Negotiations

Posted on September 5, 2017 in Uncategorized

(Warning, this article is not PG 13 rated!)

Have you ever considered the value that sex appeal has throughout a negotiation? Do you use it to boost your negotiation outcomes? Do you recognize the fact that sex appeal is prevalent in every negotiation? If you don’t, you should.

Here’s another potentially mind altering thought. It’s a recognized fact that, men and women do it differently… negotiate that is, but are you aware that sex appeal occurs when men are negotiating with other men and when women are negotiating with other women?

Before you become alarmed, let me state that I’m not indicating the emotional feelings you may have for the other negotiator, or the feelings he may possess for you, is one whereby either of you want to consummate the negotiation by performing an act of love. I’m speaking of sex appeal from one of the dictionary definitions which is, ‘stimulating attractiveness’. Some might call it an admiration you possess, but without ‘going Freudian’, I submit that there’s a lot more to the allure that you can emit and receive as the result of the appeal you and the other negotiator have for one another.

So, how do you maximize your sex appeal during a negotiation? You can start by utilizing the following strategies.

· Create an amorous environment by being somewhat appealing when negotiating. I’m not implying you should be unprofessional, or through your actions imply that there’s ‘more to come’, outside of that for which you’re negotiating. I’m suggesting, by being aware of the appeal that exist within the negotiation, you can increase the bonding process and enhance the overall flow of the negotiation.

· Have you ever liked someone so much that they made you like yourself more? Psychologically, you transferred the likable trait from the other person to yourself. In so doing, to a degree, you became like that person. When you sense someone wants to assume traits you possess, use your appeal to allow such conveyance to occur. By doing so, you’ll increase your sex appeal.

· It’s already a known fact that men and women negotiate differently. That’s not to imply that either sex should use their body to become advantaged during negotiations, but in reality they do. They do so through the smile that conveys a sentiment, a gesture that highlights agreement with a proposal, and by the manner in which they hold themselves (body language), when negotiating. Such gestures convey insight into the mental state of mind the person with whom you’re negotiating possess at that moment. Pay attention to such signals and be prepared to incorporate them in your efforts to enhance your sex appeal.

The above strategies may be difficult for some to master and implement. Once you do master the above strategies, you’ll have another strong negotiation tool from which to gain an additional advantage… and everything will be right with the world.

The Negotiation Tips Are…

· When negotiating, assess the characteristics you possess and consider what can be perceived as an allure by the other negotiator. Then, consider using that allure during the negotiations.

· Body language plays an enormous role in projecting sex appeal into a negotiation. Be cautious about crossing an imaginary line that implies there’s more to your body language intentions than what is meant.

· If you sense that misguided intentions are perceived as the result of your sex appeal being misconstrued, set the record straight sooner versus later. Don’t let sex appeal cast you in an unprofessional light.

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Therapy for Sex Addiction: Dealing With Intimacy

Posted on September 4, 2017 in Uncategorized

Any definition, discussion or exploration of compulsive sexuality begins thusly:

“Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder characterized by” blah, blah, blah.

Then it goes on to name the symptoms: pre-occupation with thoughts sexual; persistent, unrelenting urges to sexually act out; continued use despite adverse consequences, loss of control and so forth.

Such definitions are frustratingly vague. While emphasis is given to the symptoms of sex addiction, the idea of it being “an intimacy disorder” never seems to be addressed. This is unfortunate, indeed. I think a “disordered” pattern of intimate relations is at the core and foundation of this debilitating syndrome.

Vanilla sex addiction, fetishism, exhibitionism/voyeurism, BDSM, and all the other various and moribund kinds of sexual perversions are fueled by the very basic (and healthy) motivation to connect.

Sadly, somehow or other, the urge to connect is misfired. Rather than seeking a real relationship with a real person who might, in fact, satisfy some of one’s real relational needs, the sexually compulsive tries to connect with the “unreal” in fantasy. It is a solo act. Sex, for a person who has a perversion or addiction, is always a narcissistic, self-centered endeavor. It is not related sex. The endorphin rush of the sexual high is so dear to them that it precludes any idea of sharing sexual pleasure with a cherished one in the service of enhancing a bond.

What is intimacy?

Let’s look at the word “intimacy”. From the dictionary: the word is derived from the Latin intima, meaning “inner” or “inner-most.” The definition suggests that to be intimate, you need to know your real self. This ability to be in touch with our inner core is a requisite to being intimate.

Our intima holds the innermost part of ourselves, our most profound feelings, our enduring motivations, our values, our sense of right and wrong and our most embedded convictions about life. Importantly, our intima also includes that which enables us to express these innermost aspects of our person to “the other”.

So, to be in relationship, and to know yourself/your partner sexually, you need to know and respect your intima. The intima is also the way in which we value and esteem ourselves and determines how we are with being with others. To put it simply, if don’t value yourself, you can’t value another. If you’re not aware of needs and wants, or are shamed by them, then sex becomes no more than a fuck.

I think every person I’ve ever seen in my consulting room for sexual compulsions suffers from estrangement from his intimus. We can survive the disapproval of others. The feeling can be painful, but it’s nothing compared to the disapproval of ourselves. Your personal well being and your ability to love another cannot survive your dislike or disrespect of yourself. If you dislike yourself, you’ll never be comfortable with your sexuality.

It bears repeating… the outstanding quality of intimacy is the sense of being in touch with our real selves. When “the other” also knows and is able to express his/her real self, intimacy happens. Sexuality is both an expression of that intimacy and a bond that enhances intimacy. With this kind of personal/sexual intimacy, our growth experience as humans is energized, enhanced, and fueled. Intimacy is the most meaningful and courageous of human experiences. It’s why people long for it so.

The Perils of Intimacy

However, despite this universal longing, fear and avoidance of intimacy is a reality for many people. People fear and even dread that which they most long for. No wonder there’s such a demand for psychotherapists!

So why would people fear, avoid or sabotage this wonderful thing called intimacy and, in the process, avoid person-related sex?

Sexual compulsion is the end point, the tip of the iceberg, if you will, of a long history of developmental events that begin in early attachment difficulties with caretakes, subsequent overwhelming experiences the child is unable to assimilate, an impaired ability to regulate feelings and impaired self-development.

The capacity for bonding with others is vital for human survival and well-being. Our capacity for intimacy is formed in the crucible of the first two years of life. Mothers that are needy, narcissistic, depressed, enmeshed (over-involved), distant, too protective, controlling, chronically angry, addicted to substances, frustrated with their husbands and displace their needs onto their children… raise children who have the psychic imprint of closeness as being dangerous. They also raise children who will carry self-hatred into their adult lives unless they get good treatment.

If the child’s need for attention, soothing, stimulation, affection, touch, discipline, validation, and so on goes unmet, or is met with feedback that is punishing, invalidating or rejecting, the consequences are woven into the structure of the developing personality. Such children may turn into themselves and disconnect from others, regulating their emotions through the use of substances or process addiction, like sex. They fail to learn to utilize others to soothe or comfort themselves. This increases the child’s vulnerability to mental health problems. These people actively seek familiar environmental interaction, thereby recreating and reenacting familiar early rejections and frustrations with others. They spend their lives further cementing their original isolation.

They develop a rigid defense system (boundaries, walls, turning inward to not need others) in order to psychologically survive. But what worked for them as children doesn’t work for them as adults. For these people, the vulnerability of intimacy harkens back to a time when they were vulnerable as children and they fear re-traumatization in their current relationship.

When a person like this is loved – seen in an affirmative light and encouraged to grow and change – this rigid defensive structure is threatened, so their psychological equilibrium is disrupted. Being loved is not congruent with the negative tapes they run about themselves. They can’t allow the reality of being loved to affect their basic defensive structure. Being vulnerable and open to change feels so threatening that they eschew close relationships and mature sexuality.

Entering into a relationship without having some resolution of childhood wounds results in various kinds of fear of intimacy: fear of being found inadequate, fear of engulfment, fear of the loss of control, fear of losing autonomy, fear of attack, fear of disappointment and betrayal, fear of guilt and fear of rejection and abandonment and so forth.

For this reason, I believe that current sex addiction therapy doesn’t go far enough. Focusing on symptom change techniques, such as relapse prevention, abstinence and social skills training, is necessary, but not sufficient. Successful treatment for sexual compulsions ultimately depends on a depth-approach that can ameliorate the underlying attachment disorders and manifestations in adult intimacy. Literally, a new pattern of way of attaching needs to be “carved” into the brain – the person learns a totally different model of relating.

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