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Month: September 2017

Sex During Pregnancy

Posted on September 15, 2017 in Uncategorized

It is important that you nourish your relationship as much as your nourish your unborn child during pregnancy. Most women find that their bodies grow large and unwieldy during pregnancy. Many women are surprised to find that their sex drive actually increases during pregnancy, particularly during the second trimester. This is due to the increased amount of blood that is coursing through your pelvis and vagina.

Is Sex Safe During Pregnancy?

Sex is safe during pregnancy provided you have a low risk pregnancy with few complications. Your doctor will let you know if you should avoid sex for any reason at all. Most women can enjoy a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship throughout their pregnancy, right up until their delivery date.

Will I Enjoy Sex During Pregnancy?

Surprisingly, many women find that they are more sexually aroused during their second trimester than they were prior to pregnancy. The increased blood flow to the vaginal and a woman’s growing bosom often results in a heightened sense of self and sexual arousal.

Most women will shy away from sexual relations during their first trimester when morning sickness and fatigue often get in the way of love making. During the third trimester, some women find themselves uncomfortably large and prefer not to be intimate, whereas others continue having intercourse right up until they go into labor.

Will Sex Hurt the Baby?

One of the most common concerns of fathers to be is that sex will hurt the baby. Some men are afraid that they will bump into the baby when they have sex. By and large however this concern is unfounded. If your husband is overly concerned about having sex during pregnancy, have him join you at your prenatal visits. A little reassurance from your physician that he will not hurt or bump into the baby may be all your husband needs.

Partners often react very individually when it comes to sex and pregnancy. While some men find the site of their wife’s blossoming body a true turn on, others are ambivalent or even a little turned off by pregnancy. It is important that you are open, honest and communicative with your partner about your needs during pregnancy, and try not to take any emotions your partner may be feeling personally.

Remember that pregnancy is often an emotional roller coaster, and your husband or partner may be more concerned that you might react differently, or may be scared of the idea of having a family in general. Some men have a difficult time being intimate with their wives even when they recognize that they will not harm the baby, because they feel another presence is in the room.

That said, many men and women have remarkable sexual relationships throughout their pregnancy. Even if you do not engage in intercourse with your husband, it is important that the two of you work on nurturing your relationship throughout your pregnancy. Foot rubs, kissing, back rubs and holding hands are all excellent ways to share some intimacy without actually engaging in intercourse.

The best way you can ensure that you and your partner remain close during your pregnancy is to check in with your partner on occasion. Inform them of your needs, let them know where you are coming from and what you need or want from them.

Positioning

If you and your partner are interested in maintaining a healthy sexual relationship during pregnancy, then undoubtedly you must be wondering what positions will work best for you as your belly grows and expands. The best thing you can do during your pregnancy is keep an open mind and be creative. Most women will find that it is uncomfortable to enjoy sex in a missionary position after about the first or mid second trimester. Try flipping over, woman on top and even lying next to one another during your pregnancy.

What Part Does Sex Play in Casual Relationships?

Posted on September 14, 2017 in Uncategorized

I received a wonderful email last week raising a question about the definition of ‘casual relationship’ opposed to ‘serious relationship’. I have some thoughts on this but I would love to throw this out to all of you for your thoughts as well.

The person who sent the question thought that, for her, a casual relationship becomes a serious relationship when sex comes into play. The person she was having the conversation with on this topic, a male, suggested that even casual relationships could be sexual.

I’m going to agree with both and I think what it comes down to is not so much the definition of ‘relationship’ but more the definition of ‘sex’. Sex can be present in casual relationships though, for many, this might be considered more something a man would do rather than a woman. The argument here is often that while sex for a man can be purely a physical act, for a woman sex is always emotional. The truth about this is that, I believe, that sex can be purely physical for a woman as well.

On the contrary though, sex in a serious relationship is more likely to be an emotional act for both people as this now becomes less about satisfying a selfish physical need for sex and more of a representation of one person’s love and care for another by which sex becomes more a selfless act of pleasing another person.

So what then is the definition of ‘relationship’? This one sent me scurrying to the dictionary which said, amongst other things, that “relationship is an emotional connection between people, sometimes involving sexual relations”. Obviously there can be many kinds of relationships between people but I guess we most often think of relationship as some intimate connection between two people and if this is serious then indeed there may be a sexual connection as well though not necessarily.

So, as my reader also suggested, “there is no answer to this, because of our sexual biases (or desires)”, but a topic that is well worthwhile opening up for discussion.

What do you think?

If you would like to enter into this conversation please add your comments via the link at the bottom of my blog.

So until next time – Relate with Love

Lidy Seysener

Are You Cursing Your Sex Life?

Posted on September 12, 2017 in Uncategorized

“Our sex life is terrible.”

“My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time.”

“It would be just fine with me if we never had sex again.”

“How can I not feel like crap when he never desires me?”

“All he cares about is sex, sex, sex.”

Variations of these complaints come across my inbox every day. I understand.

And yet…

It occurs to me that sometimes the words I’m seeing in my inbox or hearing from someone’s mouth have been rehearsed. Again. And again.

Have you ever been so angry/hurt/disappointed that you found yourself stewing over your mate’s faults? Have you felt that you would find relief by somehow articulating just how bad it really is? In fact, you can find yourself blind to all that is good and meditate on all that is bad, crappy, sexless.

It’s easy to do.

And you are welcome to do it.

However, words carry power.

Words stir up our heart in a certain direction.

Words galvanize the meaning we give to experiences.

Really – we could just as easily speak different words, rearrange our focus, and come up with different meaning about the issues we face.

We can’t change the past, but we can change the meaning we give to past events, and transform our reality.

But what do “blessing” and “cursing” really mean?

There are dictionary definitions for these terms, but for our purpose I’m going to define the words like this:

  • Bless – verb: to release life, happiness, healing and wholeness to a situation or person, more specifically, to release a situation or a person to the very will of God.
  • Curse – verb: to speak death, misery, sickness, or human judgment, against a situation or person.

What we often don’t realize is that when we take it upon ourselves to be the releaser of the curse, we take that situation out of God’s hands and into our own.

God is a curse breaker. His ways are infinitely above ours.

Here’s the rub:

Very often “calling it like we see it,” is nothing more than cursing cloaked as observation.

Faith does not call it like it is. Faith calls those things that are NOT as though they were.

This is as true in our sex life as anywhere.

So, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Stop cursing your sex life.

Stop pointing out to yourself all this is wrong with your mate, or even your self.

Call forth what you’d like to see, what you believe is truly the highest plan for your marriage.

It’s impossible to do so without an accompanying feeling of gratitude.

Let’s give examples from above.

Instead of,

“Our sex life is terrible.”

Say, feel and lay hold of – “Our sex life is turning around, even when I can’t see how!”

Instead of,

“My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time.”

Say, feel and be open to:

“Even though I’ve taken things personally in the past, I am seeing how to become more and more attractive to my wife.”

“All these issues are part of our success story.”

“I love that woman and she loves me.”

You get the idea.

I am not saying this will be easy.

Not saying you won’t feel like a liar.

But even if you WERE lying, did you know that a lie heard often enough becomes believed as truth? Why not “brainwash” yourself with life-giving thoughts?

For just 2 weeks, ask for your eyes to be opened to how often you release the curse.

Make the decision to release blessing.

I had to do this when my husband came home from the Gulf. After the first month, the adjustment to each other was suddenly unbelievably awkward.

I’ll talk more about that another time.

The good news is, we are stronger than ever, and you can be too.

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